Have you been out here before?
Its my third trip to Boston … fourth actually.
Any particular story about Boston that you have yet have you ran into any locals or gotten into a fight with anyone yet?
I haven’t seen a lot of Boston. I’ve seen the venue and the hotel. Nice hotel, lovely venue. But I’m giving up the booze at the moment so I doubt ill see much of Boston. I gotta stay in my hotel room so I don’t get myself in trouble.
You should have one of those drinking shows like the other comedians where they go and get lit somewhere. Have you tried that show yet?
Look, my whole career has been drunk you know?
There’s a lot of times I’ve performed where I was drunk the second time over from the first. It was a pretty good show if I remember but I do a pretty too good show drunk so I didn’t have a problem in that area but it was just physically I couldn’t handle it …
Oh that’s great … I’ve talked to a bunch of comedians now and its like they’re the same way at some point you can’t just do that anymore which makes a lot of sense
You know I’ve done like 300 shows last year and when you get drunk at every single one of them you are kind of fucked aren’t you?
Yeah, well then as you have pointed out, you have the issue with the ladies.
What do you mean?
Well you know you can’t get it up or something you have something called brewer’s droop.
Oh I’ve never had a problem with that … I just sleep with really ugly women when I’m drunk. I never have a problem getting an erection when I’m drunk. But then it kind of screws me over because when I normally wouldn’t get an erection all of the sudden I do.
Right, right, that’s the problem? Is that what you’re saying?
No the problem is I sleep with ugly people, that’s the problem. I can get a drunk erection, I don’t have a problem with that.
I might not cum but I’ll likely pound away for about an hour.
So what’s the solution to that?
The problem with being sober is that you don’t pick up anyone. Drunk people don’t wanna sleep with a sober person and a sober person doesn’t want sleep with anybody, for certain the girl don’t anyway. They wanna sleep with you on the third or fourth date and being someone who is in town for only one night that makes it pretty tricky.
But I have a very pretty girlfriend in Britain anyways so what am I wallowing about?
Right that’s brilliant, in London I’m guessing?
Manchester.
You have a podcast. Is that still on? Is it massively popular?
It does alright we get about a quarter of a million a month over the course of nine episodes.
We’ve only been going for about eight months so it’s not too bad. You know we have about 5,000 more people listening than from the week before. I think we’re picking up some momentum. It’s more of a pain in the ass than I thought it would be to be honest with you. The image of this podcast thing is starting to shut down you mates with the microphones, there’s a lot of getting it online and playing with bandwidth or something. There’s a lot of fuckin’ bullshit that goes along with it. The actual podcast I enjoy doing. I like anything in this industry, I like performing, I like doing radio and stuff and all that diddly shit. I’m a terribly twitterer. I always update what I’m doing and where I’ll be playing but I always get the shit people write to me ‘You’re a really good comedian but you’re shit on Twitter.’ And it’s like I didn’t know this was another job I’ve been given. I am a standup comedian and now you tell me I have to be a good social networker as well?
I bet you Richard Pryor would’ve been an awful Twitterer what with free-basing and burning himself.
Dude that’s what you should do, start a fake Richard Pryor twitter.
Exactly. George Carlin used to ramble in Facebook sort of sending his messages all the time. He always needed to be entertained at work as well.
I mean I give them a podcast, and I give them shows, and I go on the radio all the time. Do I have to be funny on Twitter? I’m sick and tired of giving flimsy jokes out. But before we come to the fucking comedy show we have to hear the mundane-ness of the fucking joke that they haven’t developed yet. Its like they’re little guinea pigs for shit.
I was watching Seinfeld the other night when everybody thinks he’s funny all the time and he has a hard time being serious. Do you have that problem? Because you have the accent and then you’re already talking about kind of “controversial things.”
Well in shows I don’t want to be taken seriously that often. Do you know what I mean? I’m not much of a people person either. I think my sort of friends think I’m a moody bastard. They don’t think I’m that funny as a friend to be honest with you. I don’t want to be taken seriously. I just want to be left alone for the most part.
Maybe you want friends that don’t know you’re a comedian or something?
Well I’ve tried that, I’ve tried getting civilian friends but it’s difficult that one. Cuz then it always ends out the end of the party they always tell everyone you’re a comedian. I like hanging out with other comedians. We share a common bond and road stories. Even if a comic is not very funny at least you have the same stories that happened to the same friends.
I like hanging out with comedians.
Yea I guess comedians can only really hang out with other comedians. Its like superheroes.
Well ya know, whose going to hang out on Mondays and Tuesdays. I haven’t had a Friday or Saturday off in years.
Oh yeah I never thought about that, either.
Whenever I get comedians that have a bachelor party its always on a Tuesday or a Monday. Its kinda weird but it’s kind of fun because you have the whole can to yourself.
You go into the strip club and there’s no one there. You can order the steak.
Yeah because everybody’s gotta fuckin’ work or you’ve got a fuck on your own mattress and there’s plenty of space.
Are you getting married? Is that what you’re telling me? Is this breaking news?
No, I’m not getting married, no…..
Now that you mention it I am getting married now. I don’t remember what happened with that.
What is your opinion on marriage?
I don’t believe in marriage and such. It’s a religious thing, but I will do it, because I see my girl and that’s what she wants. I believe in family. You know a dad and kids all living together. I believe in that. So you just go along with the marriage bit thing.
I think people spend too much money them I think is my problem.
No I would not marry a girl who wanted a big wedding. There’s no way in the fuckin world that would happen. I ‘ll do it in Vegas or something. I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing that standing up in front of everyone and saying ‘oh thank you all for coming’, fuck that. Oh its horrible like my friends come out and look at it
But you’re a comedian! That must be second nature to you.
Yea but its so hokey and shit.
How long does your show last and should people come drunk?
The show should last, the early show is 7:30, we’ll have a warm-up at 7:30.
Whose your warm-up? Do you bring a warm up?
No they give me a warm up. I’m not sure whose doing it that night to be honest with you. Probably a local.
I just didn’t know if you guys travel with your opening act.
Sometimes I do most times. You can’t have someone whose a hotel wash-up. You need someone who can jam, and in Boston there are plenty of people who are a good stand up. If I’m doing like a theatre in Omaha I might bring mine because I don’t want the fuckin local bum here because he might be good but I have no way of telling.
I can see that … I don’t know what the sense of humor is like there it may not jive. And they’re conservative and you’re certainly edgy out there. … Do people ever protest your shows ever?
Several times religious groups have protested. And if I’m the big bite in the ass to them, I always try to make that happen. Like if I know they’re going to get angry, or if I notice a letter in the newspaper or something, I’ll start ringing out punches like I’m out raged and pushing groups. Like “have you heard what this guy is saying!?” Or get one of my editors to do it, and before you know it, we’ll get people putting petitions out, then that sells more tickets. I’ve been doing the show long enough that I can’t do it anymore because people know that I’ve pulled it off.
That’s genius! I’ve gotta say Jim that migjht be an old trick, but I gotta say that’s a good one.
Well get the Christians against ya and that’s the best way to make anything.
And they’re so stupid.
Even after this interview right now If I ring enough people and say enough things I could get a real protest happening in a second. And you have to be qualified and get a cop to say “Do you hear what hes saying?”
So I called my second tour “The Second Coming.” … It was just my second tour. That was all it was … but it was my second tour and we called it my Second Coming. And then we called newspapers and people seeing the show said that I was actually professing that I was the second coming of Christ. Which I never did. But that’s the thing …. like David Koresh got his house burnt down right?
Yes he did that’s right he did. You don’t want to go that far. There’s a line you can’t cross.
The thing is the Christians they can tell you that God’s gonna come back and you have to be ready because God’s gonna come back. Well we’ve seen whats happened to someone as soon as they’re God again. They fucking burn their house down. You can’t even call him a man the first time allegedly, and then he comes back as a man goes “I’m god” , you crucify him again. Who do you think can say Koresh wasn’t God? He has about much credentials as Jesus did.
JIM JEFFERIES
WILBUR THEATRE
FRIDAY 9.16.11
7:30PM/10PM/
246 TREMONT ST.
BOSTON
617.248.9700
THEWILBURTHEATRE.COM
